How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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