Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
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Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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