He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
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He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
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im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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