Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize