You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
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You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
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I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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