I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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