It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
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The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
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It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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