Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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