One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
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I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
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I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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