the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
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We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
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Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
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