Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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