either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
this boner is exhausting
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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