I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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