am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
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I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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