Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
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So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
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Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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