drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
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3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
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Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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