woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize