Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
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You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
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He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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