I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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