that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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