I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize