I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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