know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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