I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
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We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize