we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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