I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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