My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There r osticjed everywhere
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize