if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
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She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
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There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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