she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
ok first of all what the fuck
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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