went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
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I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
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Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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