Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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