Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize