you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize