ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize