hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize