he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MIDGETS
????
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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