dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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