i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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