Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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