yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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