If i come over, it means nothing
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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