He asked to "fluff my boner.."
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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