I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
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You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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