I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
why is half of my head shaved?
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