i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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