My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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