you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
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His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
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This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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