remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
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Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
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I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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