my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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