Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
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After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
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I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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