direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize